The Petrova fire in my mind
by Estel la Rodeuse
Summary: Elena is indeed a vampire now but she has bigger problems than her blood cravings. She thinks she's losing it as a voice keeps on popping in her mind. Who is it? Is Elena really going slightly mad?
1. Primadonna

Well I guess it was bound to happen: if you hang out with vampires you either end up dead or like them.

But I never thought it would really happen. I never wanted to be a vampire.

I hate it. I hate it when I crave blood.

I'm lucky though. Stefan is always around hovering and being far too good. It's a relief. Damon has been avoiding me. I guess he knows that I know.

It's sad because knowing him before Stefan doesn't change a single thing.

It will always be Stefan.

I'm getting adjusted to the vampire routine but there are strange things happening in my mind. I don't share them with anyone. But deep down I know I should talk to someone about them. I've never heard Caroline or any other vampire talking about a voice in their head.

_Well maybe you shouldn't. You wouldn't want to end up in the nut house._

There.

I just stand still and stare at my reflection in the mirror. But the whisper fades away and I'm left with the same face I shall encounter till the end of my damned life.

Forever young…

Don't we all die for that?

I never wanted that. I wanted to have babies, to grow old… To live.

I can hear the brothers arguing downstairs and I quickly wipe my silly tears away.

_Maybe you should turn it all off. _

Shut up.

_What a bliss it would be to get rid of this stupid humanity._

Shut up.

_Just a switch away..._

I'd rather listen to Stefan and Damon. It's funny how often they forget I can hear them.

-… Really Damon? She's gone, let's just be happy about that.

- See, that's why you always end up in shitty situations.

_Little Petrova, eavesdropping is bad._

_Aren't you supposed to be the good one?_

_- _Damon, we have enough in our plate with Elena and the Mystic Fall vampire hunt. You know Katherine. She's never really gone and always pops up when we least want to see her. If she's really dead then let's celebrate that by not talking about her.

_That was unkind Stefan._

I cannot believe it…

Not only I'm cursed to be a vampire but I'm also possessed or whatever by… Katherine of all people.

_Finally! I was beginning to think you were slow witted or plain stupid._

_Welcome to my world: We are going to have such fun._

You're dead so stay dead.

- Elena! You up there?

Uho. Stefan was the last person I needed around with my case of growing Petrova schizophrenia.

_Mhh… Can't wait to kiss him again. What about Matt? Are you still sweet on him? _

And there he was my knight in shining armor. He had that delicious smile _that made me all_…

Oh just shut up Katherine. Shut up.

Stefan is staring at me. I checked my reflection in the mirror I do look pale and … possessed?

_Poor little Elena looking a ghost of herself. Oh wait. You're dead, aren't you?_

- Elena are you alright?

- Just a little headache, it must be some leftover from the transition. I think I should see Bonnie.

_Liar, liar, pants on fire._

Well of course, Stefan wouldn't ever let me go without a quick kiss. I tried to forget the hum inside my mind. But Katherine is the best when it comes to messing with your head.

_You got that right bitch._

_I'm rather glad to be back. Being in your head does have its perks._

_Yummy._

_But you've got to do something to this awful wardrobe._

I'm not listening.

_Really, between us Petrovas, let me tell you that Stefan did kiss better as a human. I do wonder what he thinks about you: maybe now that you're a vampire, he feels like he's kissing me._

_Fun._

I just walk straight to my car and let the music blast around me.

One cannot escape one's mind.

Bonnie will have to help me. She can forget about her issues.

I've got worst: I've got the lady of hell in direct communication in my head.

_Awww! That was sweet to call me a lady._

* * *

This plot bunny was jumping around in my head (just like Kitty Kath in Elena's head) but I'm not sure it deserves a full fledge story. Let me know if you want more.


	2. Power & Control

_Change the music! Change the music damn it!_

I have to concentrate on the road and not on the voice in my mind.

She's screaming, she's whining. But it will be ok as long as…

_As long as what sweet Elena?_

_As long as I don't replay this over and over again?_

I clench my teeth as Katherine broadcasts images of Stefan in bed with her.

Time to be snarky.

Well, Katherine, do you want me to have an accident? If I die, you're gone too.

_Or you fall into a coma and I will be the one in control of this sinking ship. Then again, it's all wishful thinking: you're already dead aren't_ you?

I slam the door as hard as I can even if it won't change a thing it's still very satisfying.

As I walk to Bonnie's door I can feel the gaze of a man following me.

I get my share of attention but this is … different.

_Well that's because you've got my swag now. Mhh they do look yummy. Thirsty? Really Elena you should stop hurting yourself and go for the real thing. Blood bags are so… disgraceful!_

I just ignore her. I've noticed that trying to suppress her makes her gloat.

_Smart little girl, let's see how long you can last. What about Bonnie? She's annoying but I'm sure she tastes good._

Bonnie opens the door and I can see on her face that she knows that something's wrong.

_She's hiding something you know._

I shrug.

- Hey Bonnie! I'm sorry to barge in like that but I really need your help.

_She's definitely hiding something. Just look at her damn eyes._

Katherine!

But before I can even formulate a retort I realize that I'm gripping Bonnie's neck and she's staring at me with wide eyes.

- Elena!

I'm so frazzled that I just let go of her and she crumples to the floor.

I can't breathe. I almost killed Bonnie or at the least almost bit her.

_Well, well, look at you taking all the credit! Good. You're getting better at this. Soon you will master Katherine Pierce 101. _

- Oh Bonnie I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to. I… I'm…

And tears slide from my eyes as I can hear Katherine laughing.

How on earth can I talk to Bonnie now? I can see fear in her eyes.

She will think I'm just talking under the influence of my blood craving.

- Do you want me to call Stefan?

_Good little witch. Some Stefan lovin' will do us both some good._

I can hear the lust in her voice and it makes me grow cold.

- No, I'm ok Bonnie. I'm sorry. Maybe we should talk another time.

Bravely, Bonnie put a hand on my left arm and smiles:

- It will be ok Elena. Maybe you can talk to Caroline? She also went through all of this and you won't be embarrassed with her.

I nod but can't make myself smile. Katherine is humming and I feel like dancing without really wanting it.

I take a deep breath and say goodbye to my friend as I leave.

I can feel her gaze following me.

She must have noticed my change of demeanor and bearing.

I can only hope she can figure it all out.

_She won't silly fool. She has other things to take care of. _

_Saint Elena, do you really think you are the center of the world?_

_We Petrova girls always think we are so damn important._

_But in reality…_

I close my eyes and try to melt into some childhood memories. But as my mother embraces me I can see Katherine sliding up to us and hugging her.

_As I was saying, in reality Elena, nobody really cares for us. We always die all alone._

I can feel her quiet satisfaction as I cry.

I must have sat in my unmoving car for not more than ten minutes when someone poped in on the passenger seat. _But boys like us. Boys, boys, boys… _She's now singing that awful Lady Gaga song.

I turn my head to face Stefan. Of course Bonnie called him. She knows that in the direst situation he's good with me. _With us._ But right now, I just wish we could be both alone. Katherine makes it so hard to concentrate.

- Elena, are you ok? I brought something to drink.

It's a flask full of blood, I can smell it. I nod and take a swig. I have to get out before…

_Oh but Elena I'm sooooo…_ Shut up.

And then the flask falls between my feet. I turn my head towards Stefan and crush my lips on his. I slam my body against his, annoyed by the small space but I'm on fire._ Or rather, I'm on fire. Let me show you how it's done. _It's Katherine, she's making out with my boyfriend and I have a first seat ticket.

At first Stefan is startled but then he gives in to Katherine's caresses and kisses.

She's in control of both me and my boyfriend. I feel so weak.

And the worst thing is that I just don't want her to stop.

_I knew it Elena, you're like all of them: you want me to take control._

_It's ok, you just had to ask._

Her laughter is enough to make me pull myself together. I drag myself off Stefan's laps and realize that my dress has slipped to my waist. I straighten up my clothes and hope that nobody saw us.

I'm Elena Gilbert. I'm a good girl, straight A student and I'm not know to make out to the brink of having sex, in a car, in plain dayligh,t at the heart of Mystic Falls.

Stefan is panting but he's not speaking. Maybe he noticed that it wasn't really me or rather that it was me and that skunk.

_Come on Elena you can do better. Why are you so shy with me? You can use those big bad words if you want. I won't mind. I've been called worse. _

Shut up Katherine. Let me think!

- Stefan, I have to go home. I'm sorry.

He turns his soulful gaze towards mine. His eyes are clouded with desire but I know that he will always put my welfare first. He's no Damon.

_Mmhhh… He can be next._ Stop it Katherine, just stop it.

I start the car and drive towards my place.

I can feel Stefan's gaze lingering on me,

He's thinking. Oh please Stefan, can you see that I'm not really me?

_Oh please Stefan, let's finish what we started._

_What Elena? You didn't like this?_ She laughs._ You can't lie to me. I know what you felt. _

That's the problem isn't it? I liked being Katherine this once and it terrifies me.

But it will be the last time. I will break up with him if I have to.

I will tell him the truth. He will believe him. He's Stefan after all.

_Try._


	3. Living Dead

I open my mouth but the words cannot come out.

Instead I bet I look like a fish out of the water with my mouth making an 'O' without a sound.

It isn't the right moment. _And they say don't text while driving._

- Elena, what's wrong? You are scaring me. I know you never wanted to be a vampire..

_So sweet! Why is Stefan always sooo mushy with you? I do wonder why you didn't choose Damon instead. Everyone know that good girls go for the bad boys… What's wrong with…._

_- _Hey Elena slow down. You're driving too fast.

I stop the car and get out of the car. I'm trying to breathe. Why can't I make myself speak to Stefan? He's my soulmate. _But you did meet Damon before and he compelled you to forget it._ Doesn't change anything Katherine. I love Stefan. _Poor Damon, wonder why he always ends up being neglected. _

- Elena!

Enough Katherine. Let's make a deal: you leave me be when I'm Stefan and… Well… I'll make an effort with my wardrobe. _Mmmhh not convinced, I also love Stefan you know._ We'll go shopping, I'll buy. Not that you have a wallet hidden somewhere in my mind.

- Baby, talk to me.

Stefan has both his hands on each side of my shoulders and he's leaning towards me. I feel safe.

_Stefan has that magical ability. _Shhh Katherine, I'm waiting for your answer: deal or no deal? _Mhhh… You will buy exactly what I choose. _Yes._ You will wear it instead of those lame clothes._ Yes. _Deal! Shall we spit on our hands and shake them? _No thanks but yes it's a deal. Bye Katherine.

Peace at last.

Stefan's gazing into my eyes.

Where was I?

I feel safe.

- I am worried for you. Right now, you were staring into spaces as if I weren't here.

I could pour my soul into his with my eyes without any snarky comments.

And just let myself melt into his warm embrace.

- I'm just confused Stefan. I think it's different for dopelgängers.

He's patiently listening to me while his hands travel down to my forearms and.

- It will be alright 'Lena. You just need to open up and trust me… Or someone else. Don't feel embarrassed, we've all been through this.

Not quite my love, not quite.

What was wrong with me? Katherine may be away or simply silent but I was sounding like her.

I swear I can feel the glimpse of her ironic smile.

- I just need time Stefan. To figure it out.

My forehead's resting on his shoulder now.

I wish I could stay like this forever… Maybe we could.

After all, we were not humans anymore.

I snap out of it. I have limited time without Katherine: I can almost imagine her stomping her foot.

I kiss him. It feels different now that Katherine isn't here. Was it better with her? I blushed.

We gently parted.

- I'm ok now Stefan. I think I need some time alone. Maybe I'll go shopping.

- You sure you don't want me around? You might have another spell…

I smiled. It's good to have someone worried for me.

- I'll be fine. Just give me your flask. Don't worry Stefan, I won't pounce on anyone.

He trusts me, like always. Handing me the flask, he kisses me once more and leaves.

_Well that was mighty sweet._ _So let's shop till we drop sister!_

Really Katherine, where did you learn to speak like this? It's plain weird.

I walk towards the nearest boutique.

_Uho someone's rather bitter. Needed more time with Stefan? Promise, I won't pop in when you take him to bed._ Damn it! Can you stop talking about this? _What is 'this' Elena? ps: you look insane and everyone's staring at you. _And she's right, they are all looking at me. i must have made a strange face. Really Katherine, you're a child. By this I of course meant sex, get over it.

So, let's shop before they make me wear a straitjacket

Katherine is back into my skin. She walks straight to the dress section. It's a part of the store I don't really dwell on since it's not my usual attire. I only wear dresses for special occasions. And besides, they are a bit expensive. _So what? A lady doesn't mind paying for beautiful dresses. Look at this! We will look gorgeous. _ The full length mirror let me discover a short little black silk number with a revealing yet tasteful neckline. I will look like you Katherine. _Isn't that the plan? Let's try it on. You'll fall in love with yourself… or rather me._ Really, this is getting weird. I agreed to shop for you but don't try to flirt or whatever you're doing.

And besides, remember that I have to go to school everyday.

_What a boring life! You better sit next to Matt._

I sigh as I slip the dress on. It went on like that for hours from one shop to the other. Although, I had to stop this adventure quite soon because of my limited means. Of course, Katherine huffed and puffed. She wants me to glamour the storekeepers but I just ignore her.

As I'm walking towards my car, she's whining for a drink. Damn it. I'm not going to buy liquor in the middle of the day. As usual, this interference makes it difficult to walk without bumping into people. Ouch. Seriously Katherine, you're tiring me!

- Elena!

Why do I have to run into people I know in this state? Tyler's helping me to gather all my shopping bags scattered around me. _This is really weird._ Katherine, let's focus on behaving like a normal human being… _That you are not._

- I'm sorry Tyler. It really hasn't been my day.

He nodded but gave me a long look. We didn't tell him about my transition. Stefan didn't feel good about Tyler after all that happened. But he's a werewolf, he's bound to smell it. _Who really cares?_

I was wondering how Caroline was keeping it quiet. _Trust me this girl can't keep secrets._ Focus.

- It's okay 'Lena. You look pale. Too much shopping?

I nod. _This isn't your friend Tyler. There's something strange about his eyes…_ Don't think so Katherine, you're the weird one. _Don't start Miss Gilbert! I'm just trying to help you out._

Since when you help people out? _Since I'm squatting in a run down rented apartment.. _ Thanks for the compliment.

I smile nervously at Tyler and nod to him:

- See ya then.

- See you.

Did I hear him mutter 'sweetheart'? That would be weird. _I told you something's off._

I almost run to my car. Dear God Katherine, you're making me paranoid.

_You better be. This wasn't your stupid school friend that you just talked to._ Then who was it? His doppelgänger? _Very funny, very funny. I have no idea who it was but you better keep your distance. He was sired by Klaus after all. _Who's dead. _Still._

I'm now driving back home. I am not looking forward to be in the empty house.

I feel terribly lonely and although Stefan promised to be here for me, I feel alone.

My whole family is dead. _I'm not._ But you're not my family.

I step in the dark house and turn on the light one by one.

Well, you're not speaking anymore are you?

I wish jeremy was home. Maybe I should go to the Salvatores'.

_That would be nice._ We have a deal. _Oh but Elena, you didn't really set the terms. I accepted to take my leave only for this time but we haven't decided for the next time. _You devious b…. _You're so cute. Did you forget who I am? I'm not like one of yours sticky BFFs. _

_So I was wondering…_

Saved by the bell!

I wonder who's at the door. I really hope it's not Tyler. He did give me the creeps.

- Caroline!

She's all smile and her sweet perfume engulfed me:

- Bonnie told me you were feeling poorly. So I thought I should stop by with a snack.

_Well, If I were in your place, I would be pissed. You are aware that they are all checking in on you? Like you were a crazy psycho._ Well they are not far from the truth, are they? Isn't it what you are?

_Getting smart are we?_

We part from our hug. I'm glad to see Caroline but …_ Would you prefer being all alone with me dearest? _I shall not answer to that.

- Hey Care! I'm feeling better. How are you?

- Peachy. I spent the afternoon with Tyler. I was so scared for him but it turned out alright. Listen, I also came here with ulterior motives.

_Reminds me of a song. What was it again? Oh yeah…_

_'__Sweet dreams are made of this_

_Who am I to disagree?_

_I travel the world_

_And the seven seas_

_Everybody's looking for something._

Katherine, I'm trying to have a conversation!

_Some of them want to use you_

_Some of them want to get used by you_

_Some of them want to abuse you_

_Some of them want to be abused.__'_

- Elena! Are you listening?

- Yeah, yeah. Go on.

I feel drunk.

Caroline sits down on the couch and takes out a bottle of liquor from her bag. _Come to think of it, she's not that bad. _

Well, for once being a vampire is making things easier for me: Katherine can enjoy her drink without me being out of character.

- I'm worried about Bonnie.

_Wrong person dumbbell: you should worry about that puppy of yours._

- Bonnie? She seemed alright to me… Although, I did threaten her. Why would you be worried for her?

- Well, remember that time in 7th grade when she decided to adopt a kitten and didn't tell us about it?

_Oh my! What an exciting life you have! ._ One cannot all be born in Bulgaria in the 13th century.

I was getting better at this.

- Err.. Yes I do remember.

-Well, it's the same here. She's hiding something. And I bet it's something to do with us… Her friends being vampires or something. Even her mum has joined the living dead club!

_So the witch is simply pissed because you joined the It people ? Well you can always turn her. But I'm telling you Petrova Girl, friendships never last forever._

Maybe for you.

_You're so dense. I wonder why my Salvatore brothers would fall for you. Open your damn eyes and smell the coffee : something's going on and it has nothing to do with some petty friendship drama._

Sure something's going on: you're still alive inside my head.


	4. Bubblegum Bitch

Klaus!

My mind is still hazy with sleep and dreams but I can see his face clearly. I can also hear Tyler muttering sweetheart.

_Wakey wakey, eggy and backey! _

Ugh. Please stop talking about food, it's way too early.

_So you've finally caught his scent! While you were sleeping… Which you don't need that much now by the way,I figured it out._ _At least someone's productive in this pretty head of yours._

But why? how?

_Oh well, Elena if you were not busy with your own little drama, you would find it odd that pup being a sired by Klaus should be still alive and kicking._

If you would only shut up, I would be able think.

_Uhu someone's grumpy before her morning coffee._

I jump out of bed and stroll down to the kitchen: coffee first then shower and then maybe a glass full of fresh blood.

_'kay doppelgänger sister, I'll shut up until you get your shot of caffeine. Although, I would prefer a shot of something else. Something alive and fresh._

As the coffee pot starts to gurgle with a delicious smell, I search for my phone. I have to warn Stefan and Damon. Instead of turning my phone on, I throw it against the wall.

- KATHERINE DAMN IT!

She's giggling… that bitch! _uhu little Petrova's cursing. Good girl, you learn fast. I have high hopes for you. _

I don't care for your hopes and dreams Katherine! And you're sounding like a character from Star Wars.

_Nanana…_ I hate it when she hums and she knows it.

There's nothing I can do except have my coffee and try to think.

_Stop pouting, you look like a child._

- Hey 'lena! Up early!

I weakly smile at Jeremy. He stops next to my decaesed phone.

- Err.. Did you have a fight with your phone?

I shrug. Jeremy walks towards the coffee maker but stops suddenly staring into space. This is probably what I look like when I'm talking to Katherine.

_Uhu we might be in trouble. Who's he talking to? Better not be that brat Anna! _

Jeremy turns his gaze towards me frowning.

- Stop it Anna. It's not what you think. She's a vampire now.

He takes a sip of coffee:

- NO, it's not Katherine. It's Elena.

_That corpse! How dare she call me out? Ugh. If i were also a ghost I would rip her heart out._

What good would it do? You're both dead.

_Clearly, you don't know much about bloody satisfaction. _

I'm not you.

_But you're on step closer to me now that you're a vampire. Finish your damn coffee and let's play dress up! Can't wait to finally look like myself._

- What's wrong Jer?

He shrugs:

- Nah, just a usual day in the life of Jeremy Gilbert. Ana is having trouble with your new life. She keeps on confusing you with Katherine.

I laugh and hope that it doesn't sound fake.

- That's crazy! If I were Katherine I would be dead already with all those people holding a grudge against her.

_Bitch._

Jeremy laughs as he downs his coffee in one gulp. I go back to my room to get ready for school.

_Let the fun begin! _ I don't know what people think but I think you're far too superficial for a psycho.

_Elena! Let's not call each other names. Let's just enjoy the clothes. You know, you should be proud of how you look. Have you seen the way all the guys look at you? You just need a little helping hand and they will all die for you._

Don't want anyone to die for me.

_Bullshit. All girls want boys to die for them._

I shrugged. I'm now standing in front of the mirror of my bathroom.

As I stare at my face I can see the changes. Maybe it was the transition, maybe it was the illegal occupant of my head but my features seem sharper, more defined… More feline.

_Like a cat… Kitty Cat. _My… _We are hot aren't' we? No wonder the Salvatore brothers adore us. I always fantasizes about…_

NOT LISTENING. Shut up Katherine. But in spite of my efforts I can hear her throaty laughter and each of her words. I can feel my face heat up and blush. I really need that shower now.

I step into the cubicle and turn the water on… Ice cold. _Someone's all hot and bothered. Well, well, well sweet saintly Elena has wicked little fantasies buried deep down. _ I wash myself as if I were coming back from a week camping without facilities. I scrub myself as Katherine keeps on chatting. _You can ignore me, you can hide it but I know and you know. _Never said I was saint, I'm not Bella from Twilight. _But you should tell Stefan about those fantasies… Maybe he'll indulge you. _Don't. Say. His. Name.

Those damn giggles. I can't bear them sometimes. I quickly step out of the shower. I have to hurry or I'll be late. _A lady never hurries and is never late._

Very interesting but you're not a lady. Of course, I'll have to wear what she bought or she'll create havoc. Listen Kat, if I wear this dress, will you let me be with Stefan? _Mmhh you can sleep with him without me around but if you say one word about us… I'm back and I'll make sure you enjoy my games._ Okay, ok. No, I don't need the visual. Deal.

I slip on the dress and wonder what people will say. My close friends who know about my transition will probably think I'm trying to cope with my new life. I wonder what will Stefan think. _He will want to take you home and…_ Got it.

I look at myself at the full length mirror. The black silk is caressingly encasing my body. It might not be the ideal attire for school. _Well, you look classy not like some of those sloppy teenagers. _Katherine suddenly takes control of my hands and rummage in my makeup bag. I have to keep control of my body or who knows what she will do next.

I'm not curling my hair… It would be too much. _Too bad, next time. _Let's go.

Jeremy already left.

Damn, I'm late.

I think i will never forget Mr Gunter's face for the rest of my dead life. Elena Gilbert is never late, she's always dressed up like the girl next door and so on and so forth. _Time have changed. I'm telling you that most of these guys want to kill Stefan and take his place. _ Stefan's face was a mixture of alarm and desire. I am indeed acting strangely. I walk to my place trying hard not to let Katherine lead me. I have everyone's attention, I don't want them to think I'm crazy.

It's hard to pay attention in class when you have a crazy psychotic woman yawning and fretting inside your head. If she keeps it on, I will end up in an asylum. I barely register that the class had ended. Stefan's standing in front of me.

- 'Lena?

I smile. Genius, are you still in there? Need some help. _Aha so she's asking for help with her boyfriend? You are indeed helpless without me little Elena._

- Hey Stefan! Sleep well without me?

Ugh Katherine! You sound too much like yourself!

I get up and looked wearily at Stefan. This was getting out of hand.

- I missed you. I tried calling you earlier, something's wrong with your phone?

I nodded.

- The phone slipped out my hand. I will have to get another one.

With what money I wonder. _ You're such a bore! You are a vampire and you don't use your powers._

We started to walk out of the class but the teacher stops me:

_- _Miss Gilbert. Can I have a word?

Damn.

Stefan nods and goes to wait for me outside of the classroom.

I stand in front of the teacher trying to look demure.

- I know that things are hard for you since your parent's but you have to be careful with your attitude. I'm letting it go today but late arrival without any excuse isn't permissible. As for your wardrobe. Here, at Mystic Fall high we don't have an uniform but there are certain limits.

_What a nuisance. Let's squash him like a fly. _ No Kat.

_Mhhh. Love it when you call me like that. _Stop flirting.

- Yes Mr Gunter. I'm sorry. I was distracted this morning.

He nods:

- I know Miss Gilbert, you're a good student.

_And he's sooo attracted to you right now that he wishes that you were not his student. _

Too much information.

He's my teacher.

I get out of the room in the waiting arms of Stefan. He kisses the top of my head and I feel loved. Please Katherine, let me savor this.

_Ok. I know what it is to be loved and love Stefan Salvatore._ With this whisper, she vanished momentarily.

I feel suddenly empty without her.

And so thirsty.

I sip a bit of blood from the traveling cup I'm carrying around.

We are walking down the hall. Stefan is holding me close but he's keeping his peace. We both know it's not the place to have a big discussion.

I'm glad Katherine is absent.

With her inside my head, I've started to feel less innocent more tainted. Maybe it's also because of the transition… I don't know. But Katherine makes everything so much more nastier and dirty.

There's a simple innocence in us walking in a high school with Stefan arms wrapped around my shoulders.

But then I see some guys from the football team leering at me. Great. I forgot how I was dressed up. This is way too womanly for a high school. Strangely, it may be a classy outfit and far less revealing than a cheerleader's but I guess Katherine knows how to choose a seductive style.

- So what happened to your clothes?

I shrug:

- I wanted to change a bit.

We are outside and now Stefan is facing me.

I wish I could tell him the truth.

- Have to admit you look a bit like..

- Katherine.

I shrug and can't believe the words I say:

- In the end, I'm from the same bloodline. Maybe we do have some things in common.

_Like our taste in men._ _So, now, you don't think I'm that bad? Of course we have things in common._

Damn. I missed my window of opportunity. _Like I would let you talk about Tyler and Klaus. _ The Salvatore need to know what's going on to prepare. _First Petrova lesson: never trust anybody but yourself. Why do you think you ended up turning into a vampire against your will? You didn't put your survival first. _I'm not like you, I'll never be like you. LEAVE ME ALONE!

I kicked the wall as hard as I could.

Stefan's frowning and why shouldn't he?

I'm acting completely manic.

- 'Lena.

He's holding me now and I raise my eyes towards his.

And without thinking much and without a push by Katherine, I kiss him.

But after a quick kiss, he pushes me back:

- We need to talk.

I pouted. _Well, well that's getting boring. Your life is boring. Your friends are boring. Your lovestory is boring. boriiiiiing._

Nobody's asking you to stick around then. _Well problem is that I'm stuck here. _

- I'm worried for you.

_Damn guys, they always barge in when we're having girl talk._

_-_ Stefan, I'm fine. I'm just… it's overwhelming. I think I have to go home.

I turn my back to him and run to my car.

He doesn't follow me.

I love and hate that : he respects me enough to let me have my space but I wanted to be chased sometimes. _Who doesn't like being chased? I mean… In a good boy likes girl way and not kill the doppelgänger way._

You talk too much. You're making it hard.

I just sit in my car, I can't drive. My head is exploding.

_I'm looking out for you, for us. If you start babbling to Stefan, he will talk to Damon who always get things messed up. _Not true. _Oh please girl, stop defending her. Didn't you choose Stefan? _Doesn't mean I will let you talk trash about Damon, _Riiiiiight. Anyways, trust me. _Trust you? Seriously?

_You're starting to piss me off. _Good. _Elena, I'm stuck in your damn body and your boring life. It's not Las Vegas but at least I'm still alive in some way and sure as hell don't want to die. So I will look out for us. Let's first make sure of what we know about Tyler before we start involving the Salvatore. They always make everything so messy._

I take a deep breath. I can see Stefan still standing. Caroline's talking to him. We don't keep secrets and we've survived so much together.

But now, I'm not alone. _Ugh you sound like a pregnant lady, I'm not your baby! _You're my nightmare. _Your dirtiest fantasy_.

There's no escape is there? I have to find something to have some privacy. _Seriously? And you think I will let you do that? _Where do you go when you leave me? _I haunt the place I died. _ And where's…

_Like I'm going to tell you. _


	5. Guilty

Delicious.

_Don't stop. Just don't stop._

No I couldn't stop.

I need to have it all. I need to drown this growing thirst.

Such a velvety taste! So much better than candy or the most intoxicating brew!

I'm flying, I'm melting, I'm dying of pleasure.

- Elena! 'Lena baby. Stop… Listen to my voice.

_No Elena. Listen to __**my **__voice._

Oh both of you shut up. Let me …

Someone pulls me away from the annoying cheerleader. She looks like a crumpled doll and her heart rate's slowing down. Her blond hair are a bloody mess and a crimson trail trickles on her yellow dress.

Did I?

_Yes and you loved it._

The pain's unescapable. I almost killed an innocent girl.

Ok she had a terribly irritating voice and bad manners. But she didn't deserve to be… eaten… by a monster.

I'm a monster. I'm sinking now.

_Oh Elena. We can start the next lesson now. Let me show you the Petrova way…_

Stefan's staring deep into my eyes and holding my face in his hands. His gaze is gentle yet troubled and his face lined with worry.

- It's alright Elena. She will survive this. Now you have to compel her to forget.

I shake my head. I cannot do it.

It's too much. I cannot even look at her.

How could I do it?

_Ah the guilt. It eats you away dear. You cannot escape it. And I need your full attention on another matter. Remember the Klaus slash Tyler case? It __**is**__ time. _

_Turn it off Elena. I know you can do it._

_You can escape the guilt, you can escape the pain._

- You have to own your guilt and your mistake Elena or else you will never forgive yourself.

I'm listening to both voices and I want to scream.

This wasn't supposed to happen! I wasn't supposed to end up like this!

I was supposed to go to college.

I was supposed to have babies.

_Oh just shut UP! If you didn't want to end up a vampire you shouldn't have date vampires. Sooner or later it was meant to happen and you know it. For once, I agree with my lovely Stefan. It's your fault. Accept it. And then, turn it off and be free forever._

_Whiny people are insufferable. You're a Petrova for God's sake!_

- Stefan I… I just want to turn it all off. I can't bear it.

Emotions are so heighten and out of control when you're a teenager… Can you imagine how they become when they are emphasized as a vampire? Worst than PMS or anything I've experience as a human. _So why don't you forget it?_

- It's not that easy. Sooner or later you will want to care and then it will all fall on you. All the things you've done without your conscience, all the people who died while you were in your rampage. Missing out on the last things you can share with your human friends and… Jeremy. Elena, believe me.

His eyes are burning into mine so intensely that I cannot feel Katherine's ever persistent presence. It was just both of us: Stefan and I. Forever.

- Don't make the mistake I've made. I know you… You will never forgive yourself.

What's the point in crying? I get up and lean towards the girl. She's barely conscious but she opens her eyes.

- An animal attacked you. Forget about both of us. You were walking all alone and an animal attacked you. Be grateful to have survived this and be nicer to all the people around you.

_God you're such a bore! Even as a vampire you're trying out to join a convent. _

If I can turn off my feelings, maybe I can turn you off?

_Do you have a death wish? You'll be helpless without me. And you know it._

I need Stefan with me. He's the only one who can help me escape the growing disease that's Katherine.

She's the one who pushed me into a blinding anger against Mindy. And she's the one who made me taste her delicious blood. _I merely suggested what you were dying to do. Don't you understand Elena? We are both the same. From the beginning we have been the same. Do you think I was born a kickass baddass? _

Your ego is blinding me.

_I was also a nice girl. Ok I slept with someone out of wedlock and it wasn't the right thing to to do but I was still a nice girl who was mislead. Just like you. And when things went awry I had to toughen up to survive. Just like you will have to. You will see.. You will have to go through the same thing. Stefan won't be around forever to clean up your mess and hold your little hand. Trust me. Salvatores are never around when you really need them. _

Stefan's holding me tight. I'm leaning into his embrace with my eyes shut. We had run back to the boarding house while Katherine was talking to me. And now, I feel almost safe.

The horror of what I have done is melting away as I hide with Stefan's reassuring arms around me.

Katherine. I'm sorry to say this but what you and Stefan had wasn't real. He never really loved you. We love each other. _You're so candid. And so annoying. I'll let you have your cuddles and enamored whispers for now. But we have to deal with the hybrid situation before all hell is set loose. Survival of the fittest, remember dearest._

Pouf. She's gone. I didn't care to wonder why she's being nice after the hard things I thought about her.

Maybe she's all about rhetorics but actually didn't care about anything anymore.

Stefan's kissing me.

Who cares about Katherine?

I sit back and break the kiss. What did I do?

- Oh Stefan.. What if the council notices what I've done! We are already in a precarious situation.

_I'm back!_

_I think we should regroup and make a list. _

_1) Deal with the Klaus/Tyler situation_

_2) Deal with the town wanting to kill all the vampires_

_3) Have a threesome with the Salvatore brothers or is it technically a foursome?_

3) Deal with this annoying brat jumping around in my head.

_My, my getting feisty? _

Smile. Breathe. Smile.

Act normal.

- We are dealing with it. Already, they don't believe that Damon is a vampire.

_Pretty ironic. He's one of the last true vampire… Well at least when he's not losing it all because of his flame for you._

Stop.

- How come?

Stefan leaned against the wall and smiled.

- Well, first we made sure with Sheriff Forbes that their Vervain wasn't … Vervain anymore. Then Damon just used his compulsion to make them forget what Alaric said. But with Rebecca on the loose, we thought that it would be better to let them believe that vampires are around. Just not us.

I sigh. _One less problem to deal with. Shh Elena.. Don't start. I said Tyler/Klaus is OUR problem. _

- What's wrong?

I shrugged. Maybe I should listen to her. Maybe she's right.

_Ha!_

Well, I'm not shutting up just because you told me to.

I'm doing it to keep Stefan and Damon safe until we know more about Tyler or Klaus.

_Yes, yes, try to convince yourself Sweety. I know that you decided to trust me. _

Stop Giggling.

I lean my head against Stefan's chest. I feel like myself and yet… I Also feel as if the ground has shifted beneath my feet.

I lost control today. And now, I'm teaming up with Katherine. What's going on?

_Team Petrova for the win!_

God, you laugh too much.

I wish things could go back to normal.

But the world has changed forever.

I'm a vampire haunted by my evil doppelgänger.

Stefan's still waiting for an answer. It's becoming exhausting to keep up with two conversations in the same time. Katherine is draining me.

I rise my head and we are face to face.

- Nothing's wrong Stefan. I'm just.. It's so much. I'm sorry if I'm acting weird.

He brushes a finger on my lips to make me stop:

- The first days… years are very difficult. But you know that I'm here. So are Caroline, Damon and the others.

His hand are in my hair now in a lingering caress:

- Remember Caroline? She managed.

I nod. I hate lying to him. I wish I could tell him all about…_ Shhh. Stefan won't mind. I really hate those girls who are spineless and need a man to deal with their problems. Us girls can make our plan and clean the mess before they even realize what's going on. _

I try not to shrug or frown. I feel like an actress trying to stay in character.

So what do you suggest we do Katherine?

_Finally._


	6. Rootless

_You take ages to wake up! Damn it! I'm bored Elena… WAKE THE HELL UP!_

I straighten up with a start and sigh. People complain about roommates but they have no idea how lucky they are!

My mind is still groggy with sleep and I only want to curl up and die.

_Duh. You're already dead._

But today cannot be worse than yesterday.

I still can't get over the fact that amir Lockwood threw me out of her house calling me a thief. Elena Gilbert is really dead. _Long Live Katherine Pierce! _

_How else do you want to find the truth? Face Klaus an unmask him?_

I'm sitting on my bed and I just cannot make myself get up and start the day.

Everything has become so complicated.

I don't feel like myself anymore.

_lalala come one Elena stop winning and let's get on with the day._

Well, by all means, you're the mastermind behind the wardrobe.

It's relaxing to let her take control. Would turning my conscience off be so blissful?

_Well, someone's being wise. We'll have so much fun!_

Don't get too excited. You're just picking up my clothes.

I walked to my shower with a heap of clothes. My room is starting to become a big mess.

Another long day of battle to go.

As I walk to school, no driving for me anymore, Katherine is huffing and puffing and it's simply driving me crazy.

I just cannot bear it anymore. Leave me alone Katherine.

My life is already such a mess… JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

_Why? We just started to have fun!_

I'm seeing red. Fury is coursing in my blood. It's already so hard to be a teenager but add to that the heightened emotions of a vampire… and her.

I quickly dashed in the cemetery for some privacy. The last thing I needed was to have people thinking I'm losing it… Which is the case.

_Elena, Elena… You're such a cry baby._

I'm not myself anymore…. I kick a tombstone as hard as I can. It cracks and I don't even feel sorry for the relative of this deceased person. I'm dead too.

_And you think you're the only one going through this?_

LEAVE ME ALONE!

I cannot inflict pain on her, I cannot push her back. But I can distract myself enough to ignore her.

I pick up the bits from the tombstone and crush them further. I'm on my knees in front of the destroyed tombstone. I'm all set to turn it into dust.

But suddenly, I cannot move. It seems like my whole body is prickling.

_Dig._

What? Katherine please shut up.

But she's taking control and I let it slip. I'm so tired of her, I'm so tired of my vampire life.

She's digging up this grave.

Stop it Katherine, I cannot be desecrating a tomb!

_Oh please. You're a vampire now, not a prim and proper schoolgirl._

To my horror, she speeds up the process and we are faced with a rotting coffin.

I want to throw up but Katherine is relentless.

Just tell me what you are doing Katherine.

_Wait and see._

She opens the coffin and I want to avert my eyes from this decaying corpse.

_Oh just be happy you will never end up like this._

With these words Katherine uses my right hand to claw my other arm until it draws blood.

-Katherine! Stop it!

Is she trying to kill us? Nothing can be certain with her.

_Except my relentless quest for survival._

The blood iss dripping on the corpse. How did it happen? How did it end up reliving some kind of weird horror movie?

After a while, Katherine let go and I breathe out in relief. I'm kneeling over the coffin. Tears are gushing out of my eyes. This is horrible. I just desecrated someone's resting place. I would be so outraged if someone had done the same to my parents or all those I had lost.

The blood keeps on gushing from my wound, it will eventually heal. I don't care.

I start to cover the tomb in Vampire speed. I just want to go back home, crawl under my cover and shut off Katherine's voice.

Speaking of her. Why is she so silent? What is she plotting this time?

Silence. Well, it's isn't so bad after all.

When I'm done, my eyes fall to the rubles left of the tombstone. I finger the dust and my tears come back. I'm on my knees on the freshly dug up tomb. I wish I could stop crying.

A strange noise makes me forget my despair There's a strange scratching noise coming from somewhere. Oh please, don't tell me I've created my very own zombie!?

I step back and I see a hand appearing in the fresh dirt.

It's not bony and decaying. It's actually a pretty dainty hand.

Before I can formulate another thought, I see her face rising up along her other arm.

"Katherine!?"

"If you could only see how ridiculous you look."

Her clothes are in tatter and she looks like she had been desiccated or something but it's her. She's moving and talking.

Katherine dusts off the dirt from her body and shruggsoff the grass from her curls.

"I may need a shower."

But I'm not so matter-of-factly.

"How…?"

Katherine pouts.

"You're always asking the wrong questions Elena. Does it matter how? As long as it's real"

She grabs my arm but I push her away as my fangs come out.

"How very generous of you. I just wanted to see if I were real."

She laughs once more breaking the quietness of the cemetery:

"I like you better now, you know. Even if the inside of your head is still so mushy and wishy-washy, you're making progress."

Katherine advances on me and I'm too startled to make a move. She's smiling as she's reaching for me. I gulp.

She slides her hand in my pocket and fishes out my house keys.

"See you."

With a smile, she stalks towards the entrance of the cemetery. I race behind her praying we don't run into someone. What will I ever tell people? That I have a twin?

I run into Mrs Jenkins.

"Is it you Elena? I thought I saw you before… You were looking dreadful!"

I force a smile and pat her shoulder. Thankfully, Mrs Jenkins also saw Jane Austen yesterday and George Washington a few days ago.

"It wasn't me Mrs Jenkins. Where's your daughter? Would you like me to walk you to your house?"

I'm really not in the mood for little old lady talks but I have no choice. I had rolled down my sleeve to hide the blood stained arm. I make sure she gets in her house before rushing back to my problems.

I speed off to my house to find the door open and the shower running.

I scramble for my phone and start to write a text for all of those who may be concerned by Katherine's return. But I stop in time. How will I explain everything?

Katherine comes out of the bathroom wrapped in my towel.

I roll my eyes and look away:

"Please, dress yourself and leave."

I don't know what happened. Frankly, I don't even want to know. I just want her to leave.

"Why so shy Elena? We look exactly the same."

Her voice is husky and i can hear her slip on a dress. I snort.

Is she trying to seduce me? Aren't the Salvatore brothers enough?

I turn to her again. Fortunately, she was already dressed and was running her fingers through her wet locks. She raises an eyebrow:

"You never cease to amaze me Miss Gilbert. But I believe my work here is done."

After all these torturous days, I cannot believe her words.

"Are you leaving?"

She smirks.

"I've seen enough and I know it's time to run because things are about to turn really sour."

I'm dumbstruck. She rolls her eyes at my sight and leans forward.

Her eyes are staring right into mine, reminding me of the many days we spent mingled into each other.

Her gaze is piercing mine and if I were human, my heart would be beating very fast.

"If I were you, I would leave Mystic Falls too, along with the Salvatore brothers."

The ghost of a smile's playing on her lips:

"But you won't."

Without a word a farewell, she walks away. I was expecting something… more? Her look had been so intense, as if she had wanted to say something significant.

But this is Katherine… She isn't one to impart words of wisdom, especially to me.

I turn around and see her waiting at the doorstep.

"Now you know we aren't that different after all. I was also a nice girl."

Her sparkling eyes are mocking me.

"I have no doubt that next time we meet, you will be trying and failing to be me."

In a swooch, she was gone.

I lean against the wall. I'm feeling suddenly so empty, so free. What's next?

Katherine's words are echoing in my head.

Am I actually missing her?

I huff in exasperation and walk back to my room. Time to let Stefan and Damon know about what we have found out. But how on earth am I going to explain this whole Katherine possession story?

I'm staring at my phone as thoughts are rushing around my head. No one to comment.

For a little while, it had felt like I belonged with someone, like I had a family.

Who would have thought that Katherine could be missed by me?

I dial Stefan's number and cannot help but smile. I can imagine what Katherine would have said to this thought

_Careful Elena, one might think you actually enjoyed my little visit._

No, I won't tell them about Katherine.

That will be our little secret.

_Thank you for bearing with me. I'm so sorry for this horrible ending but I just completely lost it. I've fallen in a new ship and I just cannot focus on this story anymore. However, I might write a little Kelena drabble at some point, where Elena and Katherine meet again. But, before this, I have another plot bunny jumping around. And it will be Klaroline fanfic._


End file.
